I was emptying out some boxes and drawers in my room earlier because I was going through this "it's a new year, so let's start out fresh" vibe. I came across this journal that I had kept when I was 20, during my junior year at UT. I completely forgot about everything I wrote in it, so it was pretty interesting to read back a lot of the entries. After reading through about a fourth of it, I have to come to one conclusion: My 24-year-old self dislikes my 20-year-old self. I wouldn't even want to be friends with the 20-year-old self. It's that bad. It was so depressing to read some of the crap I put myself through then. Plus I was so jaded and such an idealist, whereas I'm not now. Four years is a long time. I guess I've changed. Or maybe it's just the snobbery of being "grown up." But what does it mean to be "grown up?" Having graduated from four years of university? Having a career/profession as opposed to a job? The alphabet soup of the degree you earned in college plus all the other credentials you earn on the way? Living on your own? Buying your own car? Paying back college debts? Marriage? Parenthood? Or is it just being able to make your own decisions? Or is it merely "quasi-adulthood?" It all sounds a bit angst-ridden, like something you expect to think about after graduating from college, i.e. in the movie Reality Bites. It's the "now what?" stage of life. Ugh. Too pensive for a Friday night. And on that note, I'm going to do a load of laundry so I have some scrubs to wear tomorrow while I get to work at 6:30 a.m. to care for patients and be the nurse in charge of a hospital unit. Is that 'grown up' enough?